Get up, Get Dressed, THEN Go Out...

Mood: Excited (some big stuff coming up: The hubs birthday, Valentine's day and it's almost time for my new little neice or nephew to make his/her appearance!)

What I'm Watching: Psychic Kids (Pretty interesting stuff really.)

When I was a teenager (back in the 80's) there was no way that my friends and I would have left the house without a full complement of hair, make-up and clothing. We would carefully choose our outfits, mixing hypercolor t-shirts with tight rolled jeans, or maybe a short skirt with biker shorts underneath (wasn't that a good look?) and don't forget about jelly bracelets, sunglasses, banana clips and layering our socks so we'd look super cool. Then, we would tease, crimp, back comb and Aquanet our hair into the perfect combination of mall bangs and side wings, and top the whole look off by applying layers of electricly colored eyeshadows and lipsticks (my personal favorite was the mood lipstick). All of this? Was just to go to the mall and hang out at the food court.

For a really good look at the full on 80's fashion, take a look at this frightening video from Dance Party USA. Back in the day? I LOVED this show. (Sorry about the song...it was the best I could find).



Anyway, the point is that we took time and effort to look that bad good when we went out in public. So, color me confused at the current trend of teenagers who, well, don't bother dressing at all when they go out in public. Instead they opt to hit the mall in their fuzzy pajama pants, slippers and baby sleep T's. What the heck? Seriously. Is it that big of an effort to actually get dressed in the morning? Slipping on some shoes, maybe running a brush through your hair, would that really take too much of your precious time?

Back in the early 90's, when I was in college and had been up cramming all night in preparation for finals, I went to an early morning class in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt with my hair pulled up in a ponytail. The looks I got would have made a lesser woman crumble into dust. Lack of sleep and studying til the last minute were obviously not acceptable excuses for showing up to class in this less than prime state. Now? I suspect that I would be greatly overdressed.

This past weekend the hubs and I made our weekly trek to Wal-Mart for things like toothpaste and toilet paper and before we even parked the car we counted at least 10 people in the parking lot...in their pajamas. I don't know where, when or how this trend started but it needs to stop. Now. Please.

It's a Conspiracy!!

Mood: Frustrated (writing is not going really well today. On the other hand, I've gotten a hell of a lot of work done around the house.)

What I'm Watching: Roseanne (The torando episode. It's a testament to how tired I am of cold and snow that I'm actually wishing we had the warm spring weather that would bring with it thunderstorms and tornado warnings).

I would just like to say that I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist. I'm not trying to say that the moon landing was filmed on a Hollywood sound stage or that the government is studying alien life forms in Area 54. However, there is one conspiracy in my life that is so big, so annoying and so unavoidable that it must be addressed. I'm talking, of course, about the snow plow drivers.

I'm appreciative of the invaluable services that they offer and for years I assumed that it was an unfortunate coincidence that the snow plow would always go by and shove a large pile of snow at the end of my drive just as I'd finished shoveling it out (by hand no less). I tried to be understanding when they would shove piles of snow into the drive of the church where I work making it nearly impossible for me to make my way into the parking area. I've even been patient when they've plowed piles of snow behind my car in our apartment parking lot (they plow in the middle of the night...and just make a pass behind the cars).

What I cannot understand is why every single snow plow driver we've ever had clear the parking lot at the church where I work will invariably pile the snow they plow right up against the sign at the corner of our property. This is the sign that I have to change every week. By hand. The church parking lot is HUGE and there are literally hundreds of other places the snow could be piled, but no. They always pile it right where I have to hike through to change that stupid sign. Schlepping through snow up to my knees in dress shoes and dress slacks is definitely not my idea of a good time.

At first I thought it was just one thoughtless driver. When another driver did the same thing the next year, I thought it was a coincidence. Now? We've got yet another driver doing the same thing. Obviously at some point in my life I've done something to seriously piss off the snow plow drivers of the world and now they're all gunning for me!

So, I'd just like all my friends to know that if I go missing before spring, please check the 6ft pile of snow next to the church sign.

It's Not Time to Panic Yet!

Mood: Irritated (Seriously, I had a great blog post all written and my computer flaked and now? It's gone)

What I'm Watching: King of the Hill (I tell you what!)

For those of you who don't know, I live in central Illinois. It's a place where ice, snow and freezing temperatures are as common in the winter as corn, soybeans and road construction are in the summer. Currently we're under a winter weather warning calling for 7 - 12" of snow, high winds and sub zero temps. Honestly? I'm totally aware of the complete suckage factor involved here. Shoveling snow, slipping on the ice and scraping my car windows are definitely NOT a few of my favorite things. However, having lived here my entire life, I've come to accept them as inevitable like death, taxes and bad tv talk shows (Maury, I'm totally looking at you here).

So, I have to admit complete confusion when other people treat any forecast for more than a dusting of snow as a cause for complete panic. People? We live in an area where this weather is not unusual. We have snow plows and salt trucks to handle the situation. There is no need to rush out in a blind panic to strip the stores of every last bit of milk, bread and toilet paper. It's a snowstorm, not the end of the freaking world.

Also, if you're out driving in the sucky snowy weather, please drive carefully. You may think you can drive 70 mph in this weather but let me assure you, you can't. While I don't necessarily care if you run your idiot self into the ditch (and you will), I'm going to be incredibly ticked if you take me along with you. Seriously. Ticked.

And, for those of you who don't live in an area blessed with the kind of snow we can get here, I've thoughtfully provided pictures from last winter for your snowy enjoyment.

This is the window of our old aparment that has snow drifted halfway up it. We got a few more inches after this picture was taken but it gives you an idea.

This is a picture of an ice storm we had last January. Can't really tell from this pic but there's about two inches of solid ice covering everything. Still? We managed to get out and about so still no need to panic folks!

Random Blogginess...Again.

Mood: Blah. (Have to go back to work tomorrow morning)

What I'm Watching: 2012: Startling New Secrets (Quick! Everyone panic!)

Current Word Count: Le Sigh (I've been out all weekend so no real writing has gotten done)

• After my week from hell, the hubs decided it would be fun to kidnap me and spend a nice evening at a hotel complete w/ hot tub in the room. He gets points for trying, but let's face it friends, anyone who actually reads my blog knows that this simply cannot end well. Let's just say that the evening culminated with a show down in the lobby at 12:15 am as I explained to the desk clerk that sleeping on a sheet that was covered in someone else's *ahem* bodily fluids and excrement was NOT an acceptable state of affairs. (let's not talk about the fact that I'd already sat on the sheet before I realized it's soiled state...not enough hot water in the free world for me to feel clean again!) I also had to explain to him that the appropriate response to the issue was not "we don't have any housekeeping staff here right now but here's a clean sheet set for you, just go change your sheets."

• I'm all for recycling. Really, I am. I mean, I'm too damn lazy to really do too much about it but I whole heartedly support those who aren't as lazy and uncommitted as I am. However, even I have my limits and this weekend, I discovered them. People? The hubs and I went into a Christmas store and there, on display at the counter, was a tree covered in "recycled" Christmas ornaments. Not a bad idea, right? Until you realize that they were recycled from elephant poo! That's right, ladies and gentlemen, deck your halls with boughs of elephant dung. Right under the tree? Christmas Cards made from recycled cow poo. Nothing says "hey, I love you and want you to have a great holiday season" like sending your friends and family a card made from a big old pile of cow shit.

• This 2012 stuff is really getting out of hand. Maybe the world will end on Dec. 21, 2012. Maybe the Mayan's really did know something that we don't know but really? I suspect that the guy who was writing the Mayan calendar just got freaking tired and figured that 2012 was far enough in the future and that the next poor bastard could finish the damn thing. At any rate, I'm toying with the idea of planning a Christmas/end of the world party on December 21, 2012...we'll have to wait til the end of the evening to see which way it goes.

Crazy, Unique or Uniquely Crazy?

Mood: Pleasantly Sleepy (once again, it's way past my bedtime)

What I'm Watching: A Haunting (Interesting story but I could do without the cheesy special effects. Also? Seriously doubting the sanity of anyone who would remain in a place where he was being terrorized by unseen demonic forces.)

Current Word Count: 8,173 (Pathetic, I know, but it's still a higher number than it was yesterday).

I know that every family has one or two "special" people. You know, Great Aunt Minnie who gets drunk and has tea with President Lincoln every Saturday afternoon or Grandpa George who needs his meds or he'll be thinking that he's still fighting in WWII?

When I was a kid, these were the people we lovingly tolerated at family gatherings. We tried to help them as best we could and adults would talk about them in hushed tones, telling us kids that we weren't to laugh at them...that they had "problems". Of course, now I know "problems" was code for "completely and totally insane".

Luckily, we've come a long way since those days. Now it's far more socially acceptable to be medicated for everything from depression to anxiety to OCD. I actually know very few people who aren't popping a little white pill or two to make the world a friendlier place. No longer do we talk about these people in hushed tones, instead we compare notes, swap medication recommendations and provide support for one another. I think it's great.

However. There's a limit. And I think the Japanese may just have driven past that limit at 100 mph. Seems the wife of their newly elected prime minister has written a book in which she claims to have flown in a UFO to the planet Venus where she made immediate friends with the native peoples on that planet. She also asserts that she knew Tom Cruise in a previous life when he was Japanese.

In most civilized countries this poor woman would be at least looked at as completely off her nut and in need of some serious psychiatric intervention. In Japan? She's the new prime minister's wife and it seems the Japanese people are not a bit bothered by her claims. Apparently the people embrace her as "unique".

Hmmm...I'm thinking this is the kind of unique that doesn't get to use sharp scissors.

Wal-Mart? You're Now On My List!

Mood: Stressed, frustrated, out of sorts (I'm feeling all PMS-y right now)

What I'm watching: Make It or Break It (my very favorite new show...should be cheering me up but, honestly? Not so much.)

I'd like to know just when it was that stores decided it was okay to stop their shoppers at the door and demand to see the receipt for what they've just purchased as though they are common criminals? Honestly? I find the practice demeaning, degrading and dowright annoying.

It happened to me just this morning at Wal-Mart. Already in a crappy mood, I had to stop at Wal-Mart and buy a new printer and some ink for my boss. I had just made my purchases and was on my way out the door when the intrepid Wal-Mart door greeter chases me out the door and demands that I stop and show her my receipt.

Now, I didn't set off the alarm, all of my purchases were neatly bagged in the requisite plastic Wal-Mart shopping bags, and I was dressed in my "I'm a church secretary" finest so I'm not sure what it was that made this teenage moron think that I was a shoplifter but I stopped, dug through my purse and found the receipt that I had neatly tucked away in the pocket of my checkbook wallet. I stood there while she checked and double checked the receipt against the items in my cart before she finally decided that I wasn't an immediate threat to Wal-Mart's bottom line and allowed me to go on my not so merry little way.

Honestly? Do they really think that I would not only be able to shoplift all that stuff but also be able to steal Wal-Mart bags from right underneath the cashier's nose, bag everything up and head out the door without anyone noticing? If so, they are either severly overestimating my criminal skills or they are seriously lacking in the security department.

Really retailers? In this economic recession is it really a good idea to alienate those of us who are actually able and willing to spend our hard earned dollars in your establishment? One of these days someone is going to go completely ape shit on your asses and I'm just going to bet it's going to be me.

Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

Mood: Stuffed (really, we just ate dinner and it's the only thing I can think right now...I ate way too much!)

What I'm watching: The Simpsons (Was never allowed to watch this as a child...mom thought that Bart was a bad influence...I consider this delayed rebellion but I totally heart the Simpsons!)

Dear Hollywood:

Are you completely out of original ideas? The occasional remake, I can forgive. Once in a while bringing a television show to the big screen...most of the time this is a grievous error but somewhat understandable, after all, sometimes we all get a little lazy and phone it in. But really? Remaking Footloose, The Karate Kid, The Birds, Fame, AND Friday the 13th (honestly? After 5 million sequels haven't we all had enough of Jason Voorheis?)? Isn't that just shameful, unmitigated laziness?

Sincerely,

A disgruntled movie goer.

Also? This could be cc'd to the fashion industry, only, of course, substituting the reintroduction of leggings under tulle crinoline skirts, leg warmers, jelly shoes, crimped hair, neon splashed clothing, airbrushed t-shirts, plaid pleated skirts and the side ponytail for the litany of movie re-makes. Honestly? I'm one mall bang and slouch sock sighting away from thinking I've fallen into a time warp back to 1985!

And what's really sad about the whole situation is that I'm old enough to sigh and shake my head at an entire generation of kids young enough to think that the movies are new and the fashions are trendy.