Some (More or Less) Helpful Advice for Writers

Status: Worn Out - I think that this week may have already lasted about a month.

On Tv: The Maury Show - I'm no genius but I'm betting it's going to be about someone who doesn't know who her baby's daddy is.

It seems that there's been a lot of discussion around the writerly interwebs lately about our "on-line presence" as writers. How we should brand ourselves, how we should present ourselves and whether we should post about our writing or discuss the publishing business. ACK!!!! 

At first? I'll be honest, I blew it off. I was all "I'm like Popeye!" I am who I am, right? Or am I? After reading one too many articles I started to worry about what I was saying and how I was presenting myself. Suddenly I was afraid that I was coming across too...angry (road rage) or judgemental (weird neighbors) and just plain old self centered and intolerant (Dealing with the public).

Suddenly it was like I was back in high school worried about wearing the wrong clothes (which I totally did - we were poor, my clothes were K-Mart hand me downs)* or sitting at the wrong table at lunch (the cool kids don't want to sit next to the poor, K-Mart hand me down wearing nerd). I would start a blog post and delete it just as quickly because I was certain I wouldn't be presenting my writer self in the best light.

Then, today I read another "top ten tips for authors" article - this time giving advice for television interviews and public appearances. One of the first things on the list? The tv adds pounds so dress to hide yours. The article also went on to say that it wouldn't be out of line to consider minor cosmetic procedures like botox or collagen injections. Seriously? WTF? BOTOX????

It was then that I realized just how crazy some of this advice really is. Sure, some of it is great. Some of it is great for some writers. However. Some of it? Is.total.crapola. So, I came up with my own list of helpful advice for authors (aspiring or otherwise).

1.) Write the way you want to write. Plan, outline or just fly by the seat of your pants. Edit as you go, or edit at the end. Whatever works for you because writing is an art and art is in the journey and the beauty of the art is appreciated differently by different people. That's okay!

2.) Be who you are...whatever that means. For me it means that sometimes I'm cranky, intolerant and just plain in a bad mood. It also means that sometimes I'm kind, compassionate, caring and empathetic. If someone chooses to judge me based on one or two blog posts? There's nothing I can do about that but I'd rather have someone dislike me for who I am than like me for who I'm pretending to be.

3.) Don't worry so much about what people think of the way you look. I'm fat and no amount of clothing is going to hide that. I've also got gray hair, laugh lines, and vampire pale skin. But you know what? That's okay because it's part of who I am. If I want to lose weight, cover my gray or get botox because I think it will make me feel better about myself? Then fine. But I'm not going to do it to impress someone who more than likely doesn't care about how I look anyway. Seriously...when was the last time you looked at an author interview and thought "gee, I'd love to read her books but she's just too fat and wrinkly to possibly write good fiction."

Remember, chances are you're not perfect but there is every chance that you are perfectly and uniquely you!

4.) Finally, some advice specifically for women: Buy.a.tiara. Seriously. Because writer girls in tiaras just rock!

So, there you have it...my very best writerly advice. Take it for what it's worth, throw out the rest and, as I've said before, embrace your inner awesome!

* The hand me downs? Were often from my grandmother. If you think wearing your grandmother's hand me down K-Mart clothes doesn't make you the most popular girl in school then you just didn't know what you were missing!

Chicken or Beef?

Mood: Blah. (It's been a long day)

What I'm Watching: Ghost Hunters (Ghosts totally rock! Well when they're not making a mess in my house!)


Really Peta? You honestly think comparing overweight people to whales in this picture is going to turn my fat arse into a vegetarian?? It's just far more likely to just make me hate self-righteous tree hugging hippies.

Sorry folks but I have to admit that I LOVE meat. Yes, I know, "Meat is Murder" but, in my opinion, it's tasty, tasty murder! I freely admit that I would probably chase a cow down in the field for a good steak, I love me some chicken and yes, I sometimes even eat *gasp* pork on occasion. None of that makes me a bad person, nor is your referring to me as a "whale" likely to motivate me to suddenly decide to become enamoured of the vegan lifestyle.

But, lest you think I have no standards at all, I must assure all of you that is not true. I, too, have my own"ethical standards of food consumption". It's simple really; I don't eat anything that is cute. That's right...if I see it in nature and say "awwww" or if I want to pick it up and cuddle with it, then I won't eat it. So, I don't eat: veal (baby cows are adorable), lamb (just too darned cute), deer (how could I eat Bambi?) and Rabbit (c'mon, who could eat cute little bunnies?) just to name a few. Luckily for me, cows, turkeys, chickens and pigs are incredibly ugly creatures.

Mmmmm....steak.

Wal-Mart? You're Now On My List!

Mood: Stressed, frustrated, out of sorts (I'm feeling all PMS-y right now)

What I'm watching: Make It or Break It (my very favorite new show...should be cheering me up but, honestly? Not so much.)

I'd like to know just when it was that stores decided it was okay to stop their shoppers at the door and demand to see the receipt for what they've just purchased as though they are common criminals? Honestly? I find the practice demeaning, degrading and dowright annoying.

It happened to me just this morning at Wal-Mart. Already in a crappy mood, I had to stop at Wal-Mart and buy a new printer and some ink for my boss. I had just made my purchases and was on my way out the door when the intrepid Wal-Mart door greeter chases me out the door and demands that I stop and show her my receipt.

Now, I didn't set off the alarm, all of my purchases were neatly bagged in the requisite plastic Wal-Mart shopping bags, and I was dressed in my "I'm a church secretary" finest so I'm not sure what it was that made this teenage moron think that I was a shoplifter but I stopped, dug through my purse and found the receipt that I had neatly tucked away in the pocket of my checkbook wallet. I stood there while she checked and double checked the receipt against the items in my cart before she finally decided that I wasn't an immediate threat to Wal-Mart's bottom line and allowed me to go on my not so merry little way.

Honestly? Do they really think that I would not only be able to shoplift all that stuff but also be able to steal Wal-Mart bags from right underneath the cashier's nose, bag everything up and head out the door without anyone noticing? If so, they are either severly overestimating my criminal skills or they are seriously lacking in the security department.

Really retailers? In this economic recession is it really a good idea to alienate those of us who are actually able and willing to spend our hard earned dollars in your establishment? One of these days someone is going to go completely ape shit on your asses and I'm just going to bet it's going to be me.