New Year's Resolutions?

Mood: Stabby (Cigna insurance and my new Nook have combined forces to drive me to the brink of insanity)
What I'm Listening to: Sounds of Nature on AOL radio (also, the occasional banging and stomping noises from the apartment upstairs)

"We need to move more - get some exercise because we're out.of.shape"

This is what I said to hubs a few weeks ago. He smiled, nodded and agreed in the most noncommittal, vaguest way possible that we should definitely do that.

We I talked about getting a membership at the local Rec Center because they have a walking track, swimming pool and tons of weight/cardio equipment to help us in our quest for fitness. Hubs smiled, nodded and agreed again - until it came time to actually, you know, go and do those things.

See, here's the thing. Hubs and I are basically sedentary people - particularly in the winter. I mean, we'd like to go to the rec center but it's across town and would require us going out into the snowy sub-zero temps of an Illinois winter. This? Is not really in line with our winter hibernation mode.

So, we decided on Plan B.

Meet plan B:

Now, I know, you're thinking "big deal, it's just a video game" but trust me - this is not just any video game. This is a one stop torture device masquerading as a harmless video game. It kicks my butt four times a week using innocent sounding activities and games along with a personal trainer to help guide me.

By "personal trainer" I mean a video game character - kind of like Mario only less friendly and way less princess obsessed - whose job it is to whip my butt into shape. I hate her. Seriously. Loathe. She demands that I move faster, push harder and do things that are physically impossible because I'm not a two dimensional 90 pound video game generated stick insect.

Thankfully this game comes with a heart rate monitor that displays my heart rate right on the screen so I'll know the exact moment that my heart attack - slash- stroke begins. What would be even more helpful? If the device would trigger a call to 911 when I collapse on the floor in a quivering sweaty mass of goo at the end of a workout.

Despite the Tiara, I am NOT Cinderella

Mood: Tired and headachy (that's right, 2009 has decided to charge out on the wings of a migraine.)

What I'm Watching: Judge Jeanine (I'm not typically home this early in the day and had no idea that such wonderful trash tv now existed!)

Current Word Count: *Ahem* No comment

It's New Year's Eve...that time of year when people all over the world celebrate the illusion of a new beginning. They make resolutions, promises to themselves that they're going to eat better, exercise more, be kinder, work harder, watch less tv, etc. Personally, I don't necessarily believe in the magical power of a new year. I think that if you're a basically lazy, chocolate snarfing smart ass (like me) on December 31st, you're going to be a basically lazy, chocolate snarfing smart-ass on January 1st.

However, I do believe in the power of positive life changes and rearranging your priorities to better reflect the things that are important to you. So, in the spirit of things, I've taken a good hard look at the things in my life that I'd like to change. So, here goes:

Things I'd Like to Change About My Life Which are In No Way to be Considered "Resolutions"

• I'd like to make more time for my writing. It's my passion and recently when a friend referred to me as a writer, I realized just how right that felt. I need to find a way to make my writing a priority.

• I crawled out of the shallow end of the gene pool which basically means that I'm short, fat and, based on family history, prone to a million and one different diseases. While there's not much I can do about this I have recently become very lax re: healthy eating and exercising. I accept that I'm never going to be a size 2 but I can be healthier. I need to make taking care of myself a priority.

I recognize that I'm a human being without the benefit of either fairy godmother or glass slipper and, as much as I might like it to, change definitely won't come magically at that stroke of midnight. However, I do have a sparkly tiara, a husband who loves me and thinks I'm beautiful...not in spite of my flaws, but because of them, and a job that, while stressful, is secure.

So, at midnight tonight, instead of thinking of all the things I'd like to change in my life; instead of lamenting the disappointments that visited my doorstep in 2009, I'm going to don my tiara, declare myself the queen of the New Year and have a great time because, really, we can make life changes any time...tonight? Is a time for celebration of all things that are fun and all things that are possible.

New Year, New Blog, Same Old Me...

So, here we are. The beginning of another fandamtastic new year. 2008 sucked like an industrial Hoover and I'd like to say that 2009 can only get better but seriously, I don't want to tempt fate like that...you know, just in case fate is sitting around still trying to work off a really bad left over New Year's Eve hangover and suddenly remembers that I'm uncoordinated and she just happens to have a spare banana peel laying around...yeah, don't want to go there.

Alright, so most people approach the beginning of a new year as though they've been handed a clean slate. THIS is the year I'm finally going to: write the great American novel, lose weight, exercise more, be kinder to people, be kinder to myself, quit smoking, quit cussing, quit my job, go back to school, stop watching so much tv, etc.

It's a nice idea, really, but let's face it, the calendar doesn't have anything to do with any of those things. The switching of the 2008 calendar to the 2009 calendar doesn't suddenly give any of us a miracle personality makeover. I was fundamentally lazy on Dec. 31, 2008 and I don't expect that on Jan. 1, 2009, I'm suddenly going to become a ball of energy and be able to exercise my fat arse into shape. I'm cranky, irritable and mostly annoyed by people and don't expect that the flip of a calendar page is going to turn me into a freaking Pollyanna.

So, with all that in mind, I am making resolutions that are more in keeping with the 'me' that I know I am and therefore are resolutions that I am likely to keep (setting yourself up for success is very good for the self-esteem!) :

1. I vow to try not to cuss out little old ladies when they're driving in front of me at 5 mph with their blinkers on for 10 blocks (at least not with the windows rolled down).

2. I vow to actually pry my lazy arse off the sofa once or twice an evening and going to the kitchen for a snack doesn't count (going to the bathroom though...well, that's all the way down the hall so I think that totally counts).

Uh, yeah, that's about it. See, totally do-able!